I do believe I am fully feeling fear right now...and it's not fun...and that's okay!
As most new business owners will attest, starting up can be a very scary and daunting venture. I've been on this road for a little while now and it's taking a while for people to catch on to the gist of my passion with death...and, well...I kind of understand. It's not every day that someone wants to strike up a conversation about death, and the end of living!
And I'm admitting to you, my reader, that I am afraid. I fear rejection, failure, success, not being good enough, poverty, and all the other big ticket items that go along with starting anything risky.
But who would I be if I weren't taking this risk??
Aren't I supposed to be walking my talk? YES!
Does that mean it's going to be easy? NO!
But in the wee hours of the morning, when I have another day of putting myself out there for public scrutiny, I cringe just a little bit, for just a little while, and yes, this feeling comes and goes throughout the day.
I was talking to a neighbour yesterday about Harriet Lerner's work on various 'dances', such as her most well known book, The Dance of Anger. I read this years ago and even now, as a counsellor and personally, I still refer back to her words of wisdom around relationships of all manner. In searching for this book to lend to my neighbour I came across Harriet's other book, The Dance of Fear...um, thanks Universe for that subtle nudge!
So, today I've begun reading The Dance of Fear again, although I'm not entirely sure I read it when I first bought it! I was probably too afraid to see what it would reveal about me and the fears I had at the time. But I've got much more at stake than when I first bought it. I must invest in reading it now or continue keeping my head in the sand!
Reading self-development books could be seen as further escape from taking action but I see it still as a step forward. And as Martin Luther King, Jr. says...faith is taking the first step.
Along with reading, I made some phone calls and looked into paid advertising, something I have kept as a last step when free avenues such as Facebook and other social media sources have dried up. I'm at the point now where most of you on Facebook know what I do and where I do it, but the floodgates aren't exactly opening. Yes, I admit this to you...and no that doesn't mean failure! I'm far too resilient for that!
But again, like MLK, Jr. suggests...I probably can't, most definitely can't, see the whole staircase.
If my life is the staircase and I'm on step number 43 of 100, and why not, then making each step count is really what dealing with fear is about. It's never going to go away so I don't panic when it arrives again. It's like a tidal wave that comes and goes. This moment is a self-preserving fear. It would be nice to know that what I am doing in my career, and life, with the passions I have will take me further up the stairs each day. The end of the staircase as far as I am concerned with is the day I die...and like I have posted previously, what I do with the remaining stairs I have is to just live them step by step, through fear, joy, love, anger, passion, and happiness.
For another day I am passionately yours,
Here you will find the musings of me...