Among other things, I am an artist and I, too, long for intimacy, just as the quote above says. I feel that sometimes I lay myself so bare that I swear people can see through me to my bones, my guts, and most probably straight to my heart, pounding fervently in it's place. I crave community, sharing thoughts and feelings, connection with the like-minded and all that goes with being intimate with people. Just to be seen and known by another is so powerful...sometimes too powerful!
It seems that the kind of intimacy I seek must be like a rare, precious stone, a hidden treasure or something equally valuable. Almost elusive...but I have met it from time to time...just enough to keep me searching for more.
Whether there is real merit to Astrology or not, I feel like it's another facet to what makes up a persona...and in saying that, I am a Scorpio - Rooster. Could you guess by my intensity, my passion for death or my love of the colours red and turquoise? Maybe...maybe not. Saying you did believe in the writings of astrology, you would see that my longing for intimacy, laying bare my soul, my deep need for connection is all a part of being who my astrology chart says. I'd like to think so...!
But, in the depths of this longing for intimacy is also the shadow of loneliness when intimacy is not found as deeply as I'd prefer. I don't know that there is an intimacy that is as deep and connected as I want. There is nothing so lonely as being in a crowded room without feeling connected to the people there. I have felt this and I see it in others. I have felt the longing to share myself with the people in the room but somehow felt invisible. Yet, at other times, I will have connected with someone in such a close way that it almost overwhelms me and I have to distance myself! I think it's rare to find a middle ground, at least it feels that way for me anyway.
I find that when I form new friendships or relationships I am challenged by the initial superficiality of small talk. I want to know this person deeply, again probably more deeply than they may be comfortable with, and if it's not deeply then why bother really. That may sound cynical but it's not meant to be.
In this life I have been given I am passionate, deep, sensitive, intense, intuitive, creative, and desire intimacy and connection with the people around me. I refuse to lessen any of who I am to appease anyone.
I'm chuckling quietly to myself right now...I'm feeling very exposed and want nothing more than to run and hide! I've told you so much, dear reader! In keeping with my last blog post on vulnerability...well...I'm doing that right about now. I love reading how other people have shared themselves intimately, deeply, passionately and well...I'm not any different and I hope you have gotten something from my exposed self! I really just don't do mild-mannered very effectively, it's not my way and I'm really happy with that!
And in saying all of this...I'm going to leave you...just like that...and with this...
For another day, I am passionately yours,
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