I recently asked someone I'd had a fairly big crush on to be my Valentine. I was met with his 'I'm flattered but let's just be friends' reply. I won't get into the details of who, why, or what...but I will talk about my reaction.
It's unlike any other I've had before and I pin it down to death.
In my work around the subject of death and dying, I teach and counsel people about living in the now, loving in the now, and always being prepared to let go. Little did I know that this would translate into a metaphorical death of a romance that wasn't going to happen in the first place!
It occurred to me that when I got the answer no one ever really wants to hear, NO, I was okay with it, disappointed, but okay. I wasn't devastated and I didn't feel hopeless. I was okay...
And then I got happy! Really happy!
Part of what I do with death is use it as a catalyst to inspire people to live fully with the lives they have and the time they have left, whether that's for 40 seconds or 40 years.
The fact that I am going to die one day means to me that spending even one ounce of time grieving over what could have been, but was now lost, was not 'walking my talk' and in that instant it made me happy...kind of giddy really.
Another part of what I do is teach that in ways of death and dying there is no right or wrong way to be with it. Each person has their own unique relationship to death, just as we do with life. Keeping the idea that each person comes from their own perspective is an easy way to not take anything personally. This man, my unrequited Valentine, was coming from his own perspective, his own life and how he wanted to live it before he dies. He may not have the relationship with his mortality that I do on a conscious level, but no doubt his instincts kicked in and he responded accordingly.
This experience, my relationship with my mortality, and how people view their world has taught me that death is more than an ending. It's more than just dying. Death can be an opening up to freedom as well. Death can be the ultimate detachment right here and now, while we are fully living our lives.
Letting go is another form of dying. Dying to an ideal. Dying to only one way of thinking. Dying to living in any other way than right here and now.
Have a look at your life and your living right now. Where can you see that death can open you up to freedom?
Live now. Love now. And always be prepared to let go...
For yet another beautiful day I am passionately yours,
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